March 1, 2012

Desperate

“Desperation is the raw material of drastic change. Only those who can leave behind everything they have ever believed in can hope to escape.”
- William Burroughs

I find myself desperately banging on the doors of heaven. Desperate for change. Desperate for the old mundane to be turned into the extraordinary. Desperate for His healing hand to reach out and heal my broken places. Desperate to live in a way where only His love and affection and provision will fulfill.

I am desperate to live in a place where only He can fulfill my needs, desires, and gut wrenching heartbreaks. Desperate for Him to awaken my soul where my very existence is dependent upon Him to show up.

Desperate for Him to take me out of my comfort zone so that I can feel the comfort of the Ultimate Comforter and the tender love and mercy of the Ultimate Lover of my soul.

I am desperate for more. I can feel His very presence and I want more. I never want Him to leave and I am craving his affection more and more. I see His blessings pour out and I never want them to die.

Dear Lord, I thank you for Your blessings and grace and love and mercy on me. I thank you even more that you share these affections when I am so undeserving. I pray that you would give me a desperate heart for change. For more of you. A desperation to seek Your truth and love. A desperation to leave behind all the lies I have ever believed and ingrained in my head that society will so freely feed me. I am desperate to walk in Your truth and light. I know that we cannot have light without having darkness and I pray that You would give me the strength to press on in the dark days until I see Your light. And then when I see your light, to not stop pressing, but to press for more of your light and share it with others. Amen.