Here, Let Me Give You a Breath of Fresh Air

I apologize for the delay. There is just so much in my head right now it is difficult to put it all together.

I am beginning to see that I am being broken. It is a process and not a fast one I might add. In fact, I'm pretty sure it has been happening over the last 27 years and it is all just now coming to light. I would be willing to bet that God gets pretty frustrated with me sometimes (well actually, probably much of the time). I get frustrated too, so I can't begin to imagine how He feels.

First, let me talk through a little bit about how I see brokenness. (Spiritual) brokenness is realizing and understanding that without God you are spiritually bankrupt. I do not know anyone with the desire to be financially bankrupt- so why would you want to be spiritually bankrupt? It is surrendering every aspect of your life to Him and giving up that natural human desire for control- It is a total cry out to God for Him to work out everything in your life for your good. (As He sees it good. We don't always see his goodness at the time). It is my belief that the goal in brokenness is to worship the Father through it ALL- the good and the bad. It is when you believe and release that control that you begin to break so that He can and will work it all for your good.

I don't consider myself a control freak; however, others may disagree... But like most people, I do like to have a grasp on where my life is and where it is headed. I go here to say that it is not easy to give up that control; and brokenness is not a pretty thing I am discovering. It takes a course of events to get you there and sometimes those events are not pleasant ones. But is is necessary for each and every event to take place so that you can get to that special place where God wants you.

I hate it when you are going through a rough time and someone says, "Just remember, God will not give you more than you can bear." Well, I've got news for you folks. I know you mean well, but I'm pretty sure He does give me more than I can bear otherwise I would not have to rely on Him to bear it for me. Sometimes it's in the bad times that you see the most blessing. Almost like He is saying, 'See. I will bless you even in the bad times so that you are reminded of Me and My presence.' It's like He's telling me to come up for air. Do you ever feel that way? Like you have been given trial after trial and then He comes along like a breath of fresh air? It is so refreshing.

I'm asking myself, "Would I really come to Him if everything were just fine and dandy all the time? If I were able to keep things under control would I really need to rely on someone else?" In all honesty... probably not. I have the desire to be strong like a lion and carry what is weighting me down, but at the same time I am weak like a lamb and will let my Father carry it for me as I know He can. I guess this is the process of my brokenness shaping me to be the person in the place where God wants me to be.