This one was hard to write. Not because I’m unsure of what
to say. I know what I want to say.
I’m just trying to be careful how I say it and I'm not sure the church is ready to hear it.
*Disclaimer: This
will not give you your typical Merry Christmas experience.
Proceed at your own
risk. *
I am tired of what I have seen in the church parking lot.
I am tired of the church telling the brokenhearted they didn’t
pray hard enough.
I’m tired of being told I need to go to another bible study.
I’m tired of the church running off the teenager that already
feels inadequate.
I’m tired of the church telling the believer they didn’t
believe strong enough.
I’m tired of what I have heard in the church prayer room.
And I’m tired of attending (Christian) women events.
I’m tired.
And I’m tired of the church. *Gasp*Gasp*
Mainly, I’m tired of organized religion.
In fact, I don’t need organized religion. I need Jesus. And
I’m finding there is nothing organized about Him. There is simply nothing my
organized OCD little self can do to get Him to fit nice and neatly where I see
fit in my life. You see- once you give Him your life He wants the whole thing
and He doesn’t want to sit in a little box the whole time.
Please do not misunderstand me here. I have been a part of
some great churches. But, I’m already a performance driven individual so my
sensitivity to the pressure of performance in the church in order to be a good
Christian has taken a toll on my soul.
Don’t get me wrong. I know we need leaders in the church and
I strongly believe fellowship among fellow believers is critical. In fact, I
still attend church. And I still go to bible study. And when I don’t, I miss
it.
But, I attend church and go to bible study where I can have
an encounter with the living Jesus. I do not have to perform and I do not have
to fake that I am happy when I’m not.
I need to do life with (real
Christian) women. Where you are allowed to have bad days. And sometimes have
bad months. And even have a bad year. You are allowed to be pissed at your
circumstances and not be afraid that God almighty is going to be mad at you for
your feelings. I am so very thankful for the friends that I have- mostly (real Christian) women that encourage me
to press in (to God) on the bad days. And thank Him on the good days. And even
thank Him on the bad days. I am so very thankful they do not tell me I haven’t
been praying hard enough, not reading my bible enough. The church does enough
of that. They encourage me to keep pressing in (to God), even when I have no
more energy to press.
I don’t want you to think that I am blaming all of this
heartache on the church. I take full responsibility of my feelings and am
addressing the lies I have believed for so long. But I am saying the church has
not helped the situation. As long as the church is pointing to performance
instead of a real relationship with the living God it is missing the point.
Rant over.
Thanks for listening.
Now, back to my last question: Where is a broken heart to
turn? I’ll keep this part short…
Matthew 11: 28-30 tells us, “Come to Me, all of you are
weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you.
Let Me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find
rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy to bear and the burden I give you is
light.”
We have a living God that came into this world as a baby in
a manger for you and for me. Take His yoke and let Him make your burden light.
If you’d like a little music to speak to your heart listen
to this one right here by Bethel :
Be back for another topic soon.
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