Broken Part 2

My name is Elizabeth and I’m a recovering perfectionist, worry wart and control freak.

And my world has slowly been blown apart this year. Professionally. Relationally. Personally. Spiritually. I’ll spare you the details, but you can imagine the blow to a performance driven personality when you discover there are things that you simply cannot perform or control no matter how hard you try.

The more you try. The more you fail. And the more you break.

Fortunately, He was kind enough to cushion the blow before the shattered pieces started to fall. He’s just too good to me like that. Those of you that know me know that I find hearts all around. Be it a heart formed cloud, a heart spray painted in the middle of the road, a spillage of coffee in the shape of a heart, a heart shaped shell- you name it. I’ve seen it in the form of a heart.

When I first started seeing hearts they were not perfectly formed hearts. You could say I had to sometimes use my imagination. In fact, lots of them were what I would call broken hearts. I longed for whole hearts. In the summer of 2012 after finding a shell in the shape of a broken heart, He told me that “He heals the broken”. I don’t exactly recall when I started finding whole hearts, but I do recall when MY heart was broken.

I was done with the performing and perfecting and people pleasing. I caved into life and pleaded for a new way. I started doing a lot of soul searching and self evaluating. ‘Ya know- digging into the hard places; the scary and dark and cold places.

I’m very much aware that in order for Him to heal the broken, you have to break first. During this time I often need reminding of His promises and like Ellie’s song says, “I’m better off when I begin to remember how you have meet me in my deepest pain.” He’s already brought me through days I doubted. And there’s no doubt He’ll get me through these doubting days too. The beauty of it all you may wonder? Remember… He heals the broken! And in the end MY heart will be whole and it will be more beautiful than before!

I am unsure of how long this process of breaking will take. In the meantime, I will cling to the promise- He heals the broken. 

But the question remains. Where is a breaking heart to turn?

Come back and I’ll wrap it up soon.